Indescribable Feelings.

Lately, I'd always have a bad dream, like nightmare. Shit. No, I'm not dreaming of ghost or whtvr, but the thing is I dreamt of my SPM results, it happened twice. No, jokes. And obviously, dream is just a dream but hey, I'm human that overthink sometimes. Time PMR dulu tak pulak macam ni, I just worried but I had never have a dream like these. Ya Allah. Yknw, the worst part, if I dreamt I got all A's takpe, ni tak... Hurm... Perlu ke aku sedih ? Tolong..

Okay, now move on.

" Did you know that when someone appears in your dreams, it's because that person misses you " - Psychological Fact.

Aku tahu percaya selain perkara dalam Al-Quran & Sunnah adalah khurafat. Astaghfirullah. Tapi pada masa yang sama sejak dua menjak ni, aku selalu sangat mimpi orang yang aku rindu dan teringin nak jumpa soyeah, how I wish betul-betul orang tu pun rindu kan aku. Haha. K it is not funny :( Kalau macam ni, selalu lah aku nak tidur, nak mimpikan orang tu. Haha.

And tiba-tiba, bila dengar lagu semua yang nak emosi/feeling memang bertambah hanyutlah aku ke alam nostalgia kaaan. Ya Allah, aku ni bila nak move on ah ?
Kerja aku memang stalk profile dia je lah. Ya Allah, parah weh, parah. Bring me back to real life. Tapi yang sedihnya, dia tak ingat aku ke ? langsung tak akan tak ingat ?
kay, whtvr. Mungkin ada yg rasa aku dilamun cinta tapi sebenarnya aku sendiri pun tak tau, I knw this is not love feelings but yet I don't know what it is. Ya Allah :(


And I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here.
All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here
I love the way you are
It's who I am, don't have to try hard
We always say, say it like it is
And the truth, is that I really mi-i-iss

Je te' aime

I fear of being forgotten.

I miss you. I miss you but it doesn't mean I am falling for you. It's a plain feeling of a friend missing her long lost friend.
All this while, I've been looking for you. I even dreamt of you. But now I've found you.
I finally found you.
You look so different, indeed.
I miss those days.
But why weren't you try to talk to me ?
Do you forget me ?
Don't tell me you've already erase me in your mind ?
Please.
Remember we have once growing up together, don't you remember that little girl you always tease ?
I hate being forgotten. Yes, I hate it.
I've been waiting for you to online, but then you had never appeared.
There was one night when I saw you online but just for a sec, you went offline.
Why ?
Do you forget me for real ? Do you ?
Please.
I still waiting for miracle to happen, I'm waiting till forever.

The one that got away.

Oh goodness, I went to Jannah's and I found our old photos. Verry old photos, indeed. I think that was 7/8 years ago. Whoa lama tu kan ? I was rolling in the deep ewah laughing out loud when I look back at my old photos. Yknw ? Astaghfirullah, I looked damn nerd with round spec, I'm kinda chubby tho, wearing hijab (time sekolah agama) with 'gigi arnab' smiling like an idiot in those photos, I swear, I ain't cute at all. Not even a lil', I'm not trying to seek attention but yes I'm telling the truth. Out of blue, this one boy captured my eyes, I can't agreed more, I just miss him and everyone, indeed. In that one photo also, I feel like crying, Arwah Solehah was in it too, I miss this girl, she's nice and kind and omg, she's just too nice that Allah loves her more, Al-Fatihah. She had helped me in many ways, Allahuahkbar, aku rindu dia :'(

I can't even sleep last night, I keep wondering is there anyone out there missing me and try to find me ? I just miss everyone, yes, this feeling is indescribable where I don't know how to express it in words. Surprisingly, I could remember every single things that had happened to me when I was young, it still fresh in my mind. I still can remember what they said and ya Allah, these memories keep hunting me non-stop and strikes my heart and I couldn't even control my emotion, I'm crying, at the same time I'm laughing. These bittersweet memories bring me back to where I am, to the old me, the old me that I didn't change a lot, that I'm just weak and still learning what life is all about. I miss that Siti Baizuria yang tak menangis walaupun banyak dugaan yang aku tempoh, yang tak pernah kenal erti kekecewaan, yang hanya gelak setiap masa, I miss that BAIE. I miss myself a lot.

Ya Allah. I reminiscing each and every one of my friends at primary schools. I miss everyone. I miss my best friends. Sumpah tak tipu.

Aku sedih bukan apa, aku sedih bila ingat balik zaman tu. Zaman semua org hanya jadi diri mereka, tak judgmental and everyone was naive. Banyak persoalan bermain di mindaku, kenapa waktu tu aku still happy, aku ada bestfriends sedangkan aku time tu tak lah kaya, lawa, bijak atau ada apa-apa pun yang bila aku fikirkan jikalau aku masih mcm tu skrg ni mesti org dah lama buli/hina aku dah. Tapi tidak, ketika tu, aku tak punya apa-apa malah aku pun hanya seorg budak yg biasa je tapi still org berkwn dgn aku ikhlas,seikhlas-ikhlasnya, bila ada budak lelaki ejek aku, kacau aku, ada yang membantu aku, defend aku. Alhamdulillah, I felt great at that time. Aku rindu kawan-kawan aku ketika itu. Thanks for adding colours to my life. I never regret meeting you guys, you guys were damn awesome.

But now what had happened to friendship ? Nah, aku malas nak cakap pasal kawan sekarang ni, high school taught me to befriend with everyone and don't get too attach to only one person or else you'll get hurt, and it's painful. Itu yang aku belajar pasal kawan bila dah makin dewasa ni. Haha, "Best Friend is such a lie, the sweet lie tho" :D
Seasons change so do people ? Nah, korang nak berubah, nak lupakan aku, go ahead, I'm used to it, sebab aku tahu at the end mesti semua org akn carik aku, nak minta tolong kaaannn ? Mari, Lai Lai, I'm forever for you guys nah. Aku memang hobby membantu orang yang hanya ingat aku ketika susah, opps sorry, this is not indirectly blog to anyone out there #EhTeraseke HAHAHA

Bismillahirahmanirahim,
" To everyone that has once filled my days, thank you for accepting me for who I am and I will always remember you and pray that Allah gives you strength to keep going in life "
Amen.