I build a wall surrounding me just to hide the soft heart that have been gone through a painful life. I may look tough, laughing like a lunatic, hanging around with buddies but the truth was nobody knows. My heart is fragile, my body is weak, my brain is powerless. I always feel insecure and how I wish there's sombody could protect me everyday. I admit that I am paranoid, yes I'm afraid of trying because I can't bear for any hurtful or rejection actions. I am sensitive. I look pathetic but that's me. People don't know what I've gone through when I was a kiddo till now it such a horrid experienced. But, I'm lucky to have family accompanied me in my hard and tough times. My family bond is very important because it's precious and a gift from Allah. I am demanding for a pure love and I hate those people that just want me or be my friend because they want to fill their days with my laughter but never willing to shed my tears. Friendship is something I value the most. When I say I love my friend, I meant it but what does it feels when your friend don't appreciate you like what you did or just be with you to chat, to gossip and so on, ain't it hurts ?
But after all, I'd realized that I shouldn't bring out my past because it such a waste. Thinking about someone when she/he never thinks about you is like surrender yourself to be fooling around. And sometimes I am unsure what to feel and I am so feelingless for not feeling anything at all. Maybe I used to be alone when there's million people walk around me but then pretend I'm not exist. That's life !
Now, my life is getting better and better. I'm not looking forward for a perfect life but just a life that full with blessings and love and peace and laughter :')
Seriously, I'm good at giving advice to whoever that needs it but when it comes to my problem I ended up with hmm I-don't-know face. I play with my emotional every time, it all depends on my mood, that's why I labelled myself as a moody person. Sorry but that's me again haha :D Take it or leave it. I'm not forcing you to accept me. My mom used to say, " There's better person that deserve you more" and "Takpe, kalau dia tak nak kawan, dia yang rugi " I love you mom <3 This is the reason why I keep going in my life.
I can't lie to myself, and you're fake if you say that you never falling in love or gone through any rejection in love. Whenever you're, whoever you're, we all have one common thing that is we are human that need love to breathe and to survive. We are born with a name of love, our parents fell in love and got married and have us to show how pure their love is. That is what we call love. And we can't avoid from loving someone. It's normal, I guess it's nature of human.
Hmm, I knew it's agony to love someone that ignored you. The worst when he doesn't love you too.
Hmm, to like someone that is already in a relationship.
Hmm, to have a crush with someone that only thought you as a sister or a friend.
Hmm, to not having the strength to tell the person you like him and just see him from far. Stalking his facebook to know what's up with his life.
Hmm, to feel like an idiot for loving him when you never cross his mind.
For me, the best feelings is only when you love someone and one day you get to know that all this while he's actually like you too but just not ready to say it out.
Or
you'll feel lucky when you're falling in love with your own best friend. He'll know every single story of you and know how to comfort you. He just being him without changing to be someone else but still he can make you collapsed and fall for him.
P.s : To whoever who is reading this, you're beautiful, so smile because someone might fall for you and if you're single lady don't worry your prince charming is having a traffic jammed so wait with patient, you'll be in long lasting relationship. Allah is fair :')
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