So just what if tomorrow is our last day ?

Maybe I just stressed out with my trial.

Maybe I was just being emotional for no reason.

Just maybe.

I lost hope, I gave up, I can't move on.

It's all FAKE.

I couldn't live in a circle of group that full of drama and lies.

I know they're nice to me, I know they accept me but at the end I just don't know who they are, they're pretending to each other. They're hating each other but they still together. Just for the sake of the word FRIEND.

And I'd felt guilty, I felt bad.

The truth is it doesn't related to me at all.

But I couldn't bear to see what had happened.

And when my friend told me about their problem, I felt bad for not making any effort to help her. I mean, I just can only hear her sigh, her pain, her dilemma. That's it.

When I see my friend alone, she isn't sitting with her friends, walking alone, while I'm laughing with my friends, I felt guilty, I felt I was extremely mean. I hate this feeling. The worst feeling.

Sometimes I feel that I'm being used OK.

Some people just come to me when they need my help,

come to me when they want to gossip,

come to me when they want to hear my jokes,

but then when they're bored they start to ignore me.

I felt neglected.

And when they are bored don't know what to do only then they come and find me.

Am I a DOLL ?

 

When I think back about my past, I found out that all the reason why I'd failed in friendship is all because of me. I felt I am loser.

I'm letting people go without trying to keep them. But I did tried. They chose to leave me.

When I did so badly in my exam, when my friends got higher marks , I felt envy, I felt useless.I just felt that I'm ungrateful daughter.

When people thought that I always happy when the truth was I'd gone through so much of pain and I hid them behind my smile, people just don't know.

The worst feelings really bother my mind. My heart doesn't feel alright.

Aku rasa macam aku tak guna -___-'

I know I shouldn't say it, I know I should appreciate my life, I know Allah is being fair.

I KNOW.

But the feelings come naturally and I don't how to act normal back.

I want the old Baie.

I know I'm changing, I know I'm different now.

:(

And

Now

I just don't trust anyone, friends become strangers.

I don't know which one is worth being with and which one isn't.

I'm confussed.

It makes me feel like I shouldn't befriend with anyone.

I feel scared to love someone,

I scared that they will forget me,

they will leave me.

Because people aren't permanent.

Nothing lasts.

I am paranoid.

I hate these feelings.

I HATE IT !

So now, I believe that only ALLAH is there for me. Only Allah hear my cries, Only Allah knows the best. I love Allah s.w.t  ♥

Dan sesungguhnya, aku bukanlah hambaMU yang baik, kadangkala alpa dengan duniawi.
Ya ALLAH.

Betapa kerdilnya aku,

Betapa jahilnya aku.

And I found the true love whenever I perfom my prayers,

the best relationship is between Allah and I (:



You say you'll be there but when I need you, you disappear. Thanks.

That's what we called friend ?

I am just tired,

tired.